Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
