dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
