He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
