I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
