I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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