i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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