Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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