This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
