Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
