wakey wakey hands off snakey
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
