Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
