doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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