it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think I sprained my soul last night
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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