Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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