Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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