I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
