I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
