hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Well I just put wine in my tea
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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