grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Houston, we have a blender
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
