The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
