I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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