But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
