Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
