Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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