last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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