I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
