A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
