If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
