So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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