I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
