So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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