Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
