i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
