At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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