i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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