I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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