I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
