well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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