matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
