umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
