ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
