The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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