3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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