oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Randomize
