I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
