On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
