so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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