I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
