so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
