He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
