you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
