I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
