As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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