Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
