I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
