yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
