dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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