Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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