do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
