I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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