my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
