im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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