Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
