I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
