his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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