I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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