So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
