Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
