4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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