did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
