But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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