I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
