I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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