We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Dear god my vagina.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
