stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
