his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
