Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
