Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
