oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
