that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
