I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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