I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
