I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
