I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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