But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
