dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
