I wish I only lived at night.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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