I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
