Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
