She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
