i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
