roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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