wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
