There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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