it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize