Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
