I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
