I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
