haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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