I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
