We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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