is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
