So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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