she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
