i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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