dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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