If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
