yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
