He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Your penis caused this!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
