Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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