I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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